This is an excerpt from my soon-to-be-released eBook The Beginner’s Guide to Nursing: What They Didn’t Tell You in Nursing School.
Tips on dealing with difficult people
The Negative Neds
They will complain, criticize, and condemn in a single breath. These people are impossible to please, so don’t even try. When their negativity is being spewed in your direction, retaliate with one of two weapons: a positive statement or compassionate statement.
When I worked nights on the CVICU unit there was a lot of gossip and backstabbing. When someone would say “John sure is in a crappy mood tonight,” I’d respond, “I hope he’s okay. I’ll go check on him in a while to be sure everything is okay at home.” Then exit as fast as I could.
When someone would say “Sally is so stupid. Why the heck did she do that?” I’d say, “Sally is one of the kindest persons I know. I’m sure she had her reasons. Did you discuss it with her?” People will soon realize that you can’t be pulled in to their gnarly conversations, and they eventually leave you alone.
The Better-Than Bobs
These people have every answer. They’re the know-it-alls, the show-offs., the better-than-you types. They continually try to impress and stun others with their comparing and never-ending stories of their brilliance.
If you’re so inclined, you could try to understand where they’re coming from. Most people who have to continually toot their own horns are compensating for something. They feel so insecure or incompetent it’s the only way they know of finding validation.
Even for those who seem to be so full of themselves, you can smell it from across the room, there is some search for acceptance just below the surface.
Persons who are secure in themselves do not feel the need to boast or belittle others just to bolster themselves. Of that, you can be certain.
The Bullying Brendas
This type can be outright mean or passive-aggressive. They are often blunt and hurtful under the guise of ‘I’m just being honest’.
If you feel up to the task, advise them to temper their ‘honesty’ with some human kindness. But confronting (even in a spirit of helpfulness, not spite) only goes so far and doesn’t really change people for the better anyway.
When people are toxic and harmful, it’s best to keep your distance. If you have to interact with them, keep it short. And if it is outright bullying, it should be reported, never tolerated.
The Tammy Tanks
The people who bowl you over with their opinions, their bossiness, and their strong wills. They try to take charge of everything in their path whether you like it or not. These types have the potential to be pushy and mouthy, doing whatever they can to get what they want.
Initially, you can try to distract them by simply listening. When people feel like they’ve been heard and understood, it relaxes them and can often diffuse potential blow-ups.
However, listening and understanding only goes so far. Remember no matter what you say or do, you won’t make them change their ways. It’s best to draw lines. Set limits and let them know that you will not tolerate their controlling behavior.
You might say something along the lines of this: “Tammy, I know you’re trying to help, but you’re not helping. I’ll let you know if I need help.” Don’t be afraid to say no, to ask them to leave your room, or to walk away yourself.
Not everyone is going to like you and, trust me, that’s okay. Tammy has her own life issues to figure out and if you two never meet for lunch outside of work, that’s okay too.
MAGIC WORD LIST
Sometimes, when there are a lot of people, a medical office, or a hospital unit can feel like a very tiny space. So having just the right words to turn things around can make a big difference.
Here are a few phrases you may find useful:
- What I heard you say is . . .
- What’s your biggest concern?
- How are you feeling?
- What if . . .
- What makes you say that?
- I need more information. Can you elaborate?
- Don’t worry.
- Let’s take a break . . .
- Do we need to agree about this?
- I understand . . .
- Just to be clear . . .
It’s Not About You
REMEMBER THIS: When it comes down to it, people are difficult because of who they are. It has nothing to do with you.
I will leave you with this quote by Madelaine Petsch, because I can’t say this any better myself:
“The people who are bullying you, they’re insecure about who they are, and that’s why they’re bullying you. It never has to do with the person they’re bullying. They desperately want to be loved and be accepted, and they go out of their way to make people feel unaccepted so that they’re not alone.”
Madelaine Petsch
I hope you’ve enjoyed this small excerpt from my eBook, The Beginner’s Guide to Nursing: What They Didn’t Tell You in Nursing School, which will be released on February 14, 2020.
Cheers,
If you enjoyed these words and know someone who would benefit, please share!
